What were the beautiful events that led to your marriage proposal?
When my husband approached me about a relationship, he made it clear that his intention was ultimately marriage. So, from the beginning, we knew where we were headed, especially since we prayed about it and were convinced that we had God’s backing.
Two and a half years into our courtship (which lasted four years), we began to discuss wedding plans. I suppose because of that; I wasn’t expecting an actual proposal. He did give me an engagement ring and that was good enough for me.
How has the journey been so far?
How did you meet your husband?
We met through a mutual friend. I was living in Tulsa, Oklahoma, US with my family and he had moved to Tulsa to attend Oral Roberts University. I was introduced to him and his siblings when they arrived, and I built a close friendship with his siblings during that time. It was two years after we met that he expressed his interest in me.
What endeared you to him?
His personality, he has a quiet spirit which I really admired then, and still do. He was also extremely humble. Till today, his humility even in our home, is overwhelming. In fact, it’s the top trait I still love about him.
He is also spiritual. He takes the things of God very seriously. I am grateful he carried me along; we really grew together spiritually during our courtship.
How would you describe your wedding day?
My wedding day was beautiful. It was 11 years ago but I still remember it like yesterday. It was obviously bigger and more glamorous than I expected it to be. But it was a glorious day and I was happy to have my family and friends around to support us.
When you first met him, did you know he was going to be your husband?
No, I did not. Not at first anyway. However, I was really drawn to him. A time came when I actually prayed about him specifically and I had a conviction that we were meant to be together but we barely spoke then so I wondered how it would happen.
I remember telling my sisters about this dilemma. I was not going to approach him about it, so I left it to God to sort it out somehow if this was His plan. As time went by, He began to set His plan in motion until my husband spoke up.
What are some of the lessons marriage has taught you?
Some key lessons learnt so far include: we can actually achieve so much more when we are willing to work together for the good of our marriage; it is possible to handle differences without allowing it to degenerate to fighting, arguing, being rude or abusive; it is wise to overlook errors, and important to wear patience like a garment.
I’ve also learnt that every marriage is unique; it is unwise to copy what one couple does and use it in my marriage. The need to keep cultivating the fruit of the spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) on a daily basis is not optional.
If you were to advise single people about marriage, what sort of advice will you give them?
Look inwards first. Many singles focus on what their spouse must be like but hardly consider what qualities they also must bring into the marriage. Secondly, success in marriage is largely due to the maturity level of the people in it. Your age or qualifications are not what make you ready for marriage.
Maturity is expressed in how well you handle responsibilities, how well you manage people, and how well you manage your emotions. Thirdly, don’t look for anybody to complete you. You must be 100 per cent complete first before you get married. When you start relying on a man or woman to make you whole, you will end up frustrated and disappointed.
As at the time you got married, was it planned or did it just happen?
It was planned. My husband graduated with his master’s degree and moved back to Nigeria. Before he left, we talked about the next steps we wanted to take and gave ourselves timelines. Once I graduated and started working, we informed our parents of our plans and began to move in that direction once everyone was on board.